Will They or Could They Just Not?

Or: A Rant about Nick Miller and Ross Geller | Vol. 2 Iss. 3

There is perhaps nothing so core to the modern sitcom as the Will They Won’t They. Perhaps this happens in real life too - if so I hope it doesn’t go on for ten full seasons. Honestly at that point it’s not even good gossip anymore.

But on TV, it’s become a staple of the genre - it propels the story forward, makes for great late season cliff hangers, and makes a show rewatchable.

As long as you’re rooting for the couple.

And sometimes, I’m rooting for the breakup. Not always, but some of these characters… oof. If you knew them in real life, they would be intolerable. Banned from invite lists, consistently left off of group texts, mocked for their situationship that everyone knows is going to end badly at some point.

So here are the will-they-won’t-theys of the last twenty-ish years of television that I watched and cared enough to write about, ranked from Please Stop to Kiss Already. (If I left off your favorite show you are free to email me about it, but no, I have not seen enough of Cheers to add it to the list.)

Please Stop

Ross and Rachel - Friends

Ross is the worst. NPR even did a survey about it. He’s whiney, controlling, and everything has to be about him. Also, who is still that hung up on a girl they liked but didn’t really know in high school?

Rachel is probably also a little bit terrible, as voters in that NPR survey said. But whether it’s the Jennifer Anniston charm or the fact that she’s definitely not as bad as Ross, I somehow have more sympathy for her. She’s still figuring out her career, she’s defining herself independent of what she’s been told to want, and she got a cat once.

But Jennifer Anniston cannot make me root for Ross and Rachel. Rachel could obviously do better. I mean, the first time I can kind of understand it. They’re friends, Ross can get her free museum tickets. But once he gets all weird about her job and Mark and everything, you gotta get out of there. And she does, but then they just keep getting back together. It’s exhausting. 

Nick and Jess - New Girl

I feel like this one may be a more controversial take, but I’ve been re-watching New Girl and the show is worse when Nick and Jess are together. The characters simply do not make sense as a couple. It’s not that a prim school teacher and a stoner bartender couldn’t ever be together - but the show does very little work to tell us why these two people would be interested in each other, outside of proximity.

In the run up to their relationship, and then again in the course of it (at least the first time - we’re only about three seasons into this re-watch), there’s a lot of yelling and slamming of doors. That is not romantic. It’s just loud. I also feel very conscious on this watch that the characters are thirty years old, and therefore, you’d hope, could maybe act like adults.

It seems possible this one improves over the course of the next few seasons, but it also seems possible that once you break up you should stay broken up. Season four is already much funnier than season three, because it doesn’t rely exclusively on this storyline.

Liz and Jack - 30 Rock

Lol absolutely not.

I Mean, Yes, I Cried

Jim and Pam - The Office

I think this may have overtaken Ross and Rachel as the textbook example of the will-they-won’t-they. There are some genuinely very sweet moments in their arc. The one where Jim goes to New York for the interview and you see that Pam would genuinely be okay if he stays, but then he comes back. So good.

But I also think if you actually had to work with Jim and Pam they would not be good coworkers. The pranks… it’s good TV but it would be very tiring in real life. And yes, Dwight probably deserved everything they put him through. But did everyone else in that office deserve the level of disruption they had to deal with? Probably not.

I also don’t love pre-existing relationship as a romance plot barrier, which comes up in the next one too.

Amy and Jonah - Superstore

I haven’t re-watched this show, but I liked significant chunks of it the first time I watched. I think it has one of the best pilot set-ups. Amy putting her wedding ring back on at the end of the episode is a real gut punch. Also, while I’m not a fan of the pre-existing relationship thing, I think it helps that Amy’s husband isn’t set up to be terrible so much as he’s just not right for her. (Okay I just went and read a synopsis and apparently Amy did cheat on her husband with Jonah, so, not a fan of that.)

But from what I remember, the general vibe is that Amy and Jonah sort of become the mom and dad of the store over the course of the show, and that part really worked for me. Also, America Ferrera is a consistently compelling actor. (I’ve started watching Ugly Betty and that show has not aged particularly well but she’s great in it.) On the Jonah side I briefly remembered him as Dan from VEEP, which would be a different, sleazier show.

I think the show could/should have ended when America Fererra left, and it would have been easy to have her and Jonah both move to California and that’s the finale. Their breakup was painful, and then when they only got one more season it felt inevitable that she’d come back for the real finale. She was core to the show and I couldn’t make it through more than a couple episodes of the final COVID season.

Schmidt and Cece - New Girl

Is Schmidt a douchebag? Yes. Do I still root for him and Cece to work out? Yes. Because he is a loveable douchebag and he and Cece really care about each other.

I think this is a good type of will-they-won’t-they, because other than the cheating (yikes), mostly what keeps these two characters apart is timing. So when they finally do make it work, it’s all the more satisfying. Again, we’re only three and a bit seasons into the rewatch, but I still remember when they do a flashback to show that when Schmidt met Cece he said he was going to marry her. In real life it would be incredibly creepy, but on the show it works.

I also really enjoy that Schmidt always feels so lucky to have Cece in his life. We love a man who knows how good he has it.

Kiss Already

Ben and Leslie - Parks and Recreation

These two almost merit the number one spot, because they are immensely sweet, but as you’ll see, you can’t top the yearning of the actual number one.

Parks and Rec was funny before Ben and Chris got there, but when they arrive at the end of season two the show really finds its footing. And I think a lot of that comes from the dynamic between Leslie and Ben. Yes, it’s romantic, but his slightly cold but still well-meaning actions really highlight what makes her warmth and optimism special. Their caring is individual, but it also works really well together.

I think the fact that they work together is a good plot, because you understand how much they value their jobs and it doesn’t impede how much they’re meant for each other. (Also, the show never makes it creepy/weird power dynamics between them.)

Their wedding makes me cry every time. The proposal is lovely. The kiss in the tiny park is lovely. I also really like that we get so many seasons of them together and happy, supporting each other through their personal and professional ups and downs. I think more shows could learn from this - letting your characters be happy in their relationship is an option, as long as you can have twists and turns in other parts of their lives.

Nandor and Guillermo - What We Do In the Shadows

The yearning.

The writers say it’s not going to happen. And you know what, that’s fine.

I have most of a newsletter written about these two, so I won’t go long here.

But I love these characters. Even if the answer is “they won’t” because one of them is seven hundred years old and the other is thirty, and also Nandor is Guillermo’s boss, and also one of them is basically all powerful and the other used to work at Panera Bread… I still love them and I want them to be together.

Nandor is terrible. That’s part of the point of the show. But he is, on rare occasions, less terrible because of Guillermo. And after so many seasons of watching Guillermo yearn (whether you see it as romantic or just vampire jealousy) after Nandor, it was really nice in recent seasons to see Nandor at times jealous of Guillermo and of his time.

Fan service is often a bad idea, but as this show goes into its last season, I hold out some hope that the writers will finally go for it and give us the messed up, deeply silly happily ever after these characters deserve.

Honorable Mentions

Stede and Blackbeard - Our Flag Means Death

This was great, but I don’t remember enough of the show to write about it. I also haven’t watched Season 2 yet. But I highly recommend the first season.

Eleanor and Chidi - The Good Place

It’s been so long since I watched this and while I wanted the characters to be together, their romance isn’t what’s stuck with me about the show. (Except the end, which is devastating in the best way.)

Dawn and Tim - The Office (UK)

A recurring theme, but it’s been a million years since I watched this. I think the original ending, where they don’t end up together, is a really bold choice. But I also really enjoyed the Christmas specials. I’m a sucker for a happy ending.

What Else?

Work

A couple weeks ago I edited this piece from Kate Huddleston on how Texas Governor Greg Abbot’s “invasion” language/legal theory are rooted in white supremacist conspiracy theory. Kate is spot on, as always. This kind of language and policy is not inevitable and it should be called out.

Also on the border, I edited this piece from Joseph Nunn, which is a great explainer on calls for Biden to federalize the Texas National Guard, as well as on ways the law could be improved.

Sewing

I made another dress. It’s not done yet, but it has a zipper and a lining and everything this time. (I also made two prototypes, which was a first for me. I’m excited about the opportunity to make things fit exactly right, especially as I look towards sewing with high quality fabric for formal dresses this summer.)

Yes it needs ironing.

Reading

I am almost done with Janet Evanovich’s Explosive Eighteen, and this book is beyond bad and into bad for society. The racist caricatures, the reliance on class stereotypes, the main character’s total lack of action to drive the plot. Cannot recommend. (Also, I don’t even care about the mystery because the character doesn’t seem to care. She just keeps bounty hunting and being in a love triangle between two terrible options.) Also, this book used the word “hooha” for vagina, which was just upsetting.